I’ve been thinking lately, why did my integration cycles increase? I don’t know why they happen. I have no control over them. They get in the way. They are a byproduct of my healing journey. When things are processed and we move forward, there is an internal reshuffle. This is integration.
It’s painful, lonely, awkward. Parts are simply not available for a while and then after a couple of months they come back different. Two parts have become on blended part. Keeping one of their names and having the best attributes of both parts. Then we have to get used to this newly blended part who feels different.
When functioning returns to normalish levels we carry on with what we were doing before the integration. Whil the integration is happening we pick up the slack left behind by those who are integrating.
It is not a goal of ours to integrate. This is just something that happens on its own. Our goal is to function better. To work more fluidly as a team. To be able to go outside and travel on the train to the city. To feel safe and calm around other people. To hug our friends.