I have been trying to study. Mostly failing to do so. Prepping but not finishing. Getting most of the way there but not quite making it all the way. It has been a journey of frustration. A very big lesson in accepting myself, all of myself.

Sometimes I forget that I am dissociative. To be more exact, I remember that I am dissociative but forget that all my parts need space. Everyone needs their own time to do what they like. I guess it was easy to do as I am studying a double degree, which means that I am studying about 100 hrs a week with lectures, tutorials and labs on top.

It reminded me just how difficult “normal” life used to be for me and my village. Getting out of bed and functioning was sometimes just a dream. Eating healthy food and exercising was almost impossible with no sharing of memories. Forget yoga, having clean clothes was hard enough most of the time. The little things in life that seemed so hard, now are just part of my routine.

A friend of mine recently became aware that she has parts. Seeing her struggle and realise just how hard things are for her right now, made me grateful that I have been able to find my way to where I am now. I guess I am in self reflective mode.

No matter what mode I am in I know I have my village to help.

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8 Responses to Modes?

  1. Out of the Ashes says:

    Hi Ferals,

    It is so good to read an update from you all. You always bring me hope and shed some light on my own system’s workings in your posts with what you share about your villiage. We are doing well. Our “pony” is also doing very well. He just moved to a new home where there is an apple tree on the property. He also has six new pony friends to play with so he is quite happy. I go into the pasture and shake the apple tree for them…wish your littles could watch all the ponies rushing around to fetch all the apples. What a frenzy!

    Anyway, I am very happy for you all and continue to wish you all the best in your journey.

    Ash and friends……and Black Beauty too.

    • feral55 says:

      Lots of smiles inside to hear from you all. littles squeal with delight about your “pony” news. I am glad our writing helps you too. It’s like thinking out loud for us. Sending big hugs for those who want them.
      Ferals xx

  2. Bourbon says:

    What a lovely post 🙂 This comforted me earlier when I read it on my phone so much I had to come here later especially to tell you so! Thank you for sharing this warmth xx

  3. Insanity says:

    This is why I like following people that are ahead of me in the healing process. It gives me hope that maybe I can get there too someday. Right now I’m just unraveling everything and it’s hard and it feels like I’ll never get there but maybe there is hope as other people have gotten there too. I also wanted to thank you for keeping things open and letting me learn from and be inspired by you.

    • feral55 says:

      I’m so happy we could give you hope. Things will get better, you may feel like you’re standing still but you are slowly moving forward a little bit at a time.
      Ferals xx

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