the integration roller coaster


I have been thinking about how hard and to be honest, shitty integration is from my perspective. I liken it to the two remotes in my picture. One remote for during integration and one remote for after integration.

Since our integrations seem to happen unannounced to a lot of internal parts, I pick the silver remote for during integration. It has lots of buttons and is bigger so I assume it helps more. Coping with turning around to find parts gone is quite horrific. It’s like your best friend went missing. Everyone inside has to pull together to cover what the parts who are now integrating used to do. There is also the added surprise of not knowing how many parts are missing. I think the little collection of buttons on the bottom are for when my internal system hits the “fuck this” button and we go to skeleton crew mode. Or as Ts like to refer to it “survival mode” not much surviving going on there.

The black remote is smaller and therefore attempting to say “things are getting better, you are almost there”. Which is totally wrong and I like the coloured buttons. The coloured buttons are for when parts come back and they are different. I don’t believe them because they don’t feel the same as when they left. I keep pressing the coloured buttons to see if they will change back but it never works. It takes a while to accept the newly integrated parts back into the system. It’s not like if your friend gets a bad hair cut. It’s like if your friend gets a brain transplant.

With these two remotes I should be able to find my way through this post integration thing. I know if I don’t that there is a large possibility that the integrations will reverse. Which is something that none of us want. It was incredibly horrible to go through the integrations so to have them be for nothing would be worse.

Trudging along.

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4 Responses to the integration roller coaster

  1. vwoopvwoop says:

    i have been trying to not call what is happening to my system “integration” in the hopes that it isn’t, but what you’re describing here is really familiar and relevant at the moment. so i guess i need to rethink things.

    i’m sorry you’re experiencing struggles, i hope it’s worth it. i hope you get what you want. 🙂

    • feral55 says:

      🙂 things are getting better day by day.
      The difference in parts when they come back is huge. They are not just a blend of two parts. It’s like one part integrated into another. David is still David but when he has another part integrate with him, it’s like he evolves. I used to describe it as his square edges getting rounder. These last two times it’s like he is taking all of the best bits of the other parts evolving with that knowledge. We all think this is a good thing. I think it has been described as becoming more whole. It’s totally worth all of the bad bits.
      Hope you guys are doing ok too.
      Sending hugs

  2. Bourbon says:

    For some reason you have been on my mind a lot recently.. I have been reading what you have been sharing and taking it away and having a good think. I guess one day I’d like to feel what integration is like. Though I can’t imagine how unsettling it must be for a system as big as yours shrinking into just a third of its original size. Have a lot of respect for what you’re all doing right now xx

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