Stretched to breaking point

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This is how I feel right now. Like the bubble in the lava lamp in the picture. Stretched and about to split in two.

Things at home have become almost unbearable. My two housemates have decided that they want to explore their feelings for each other. Which isn’t my issue. I frankly don’t care. We were working as a household to not isolate so much. They spent a whole month living in one bedroom and not coming out. They ate in there and everything. I just felt like I was living alone. Now since one of them came and told me what they are exploring, everything has blown up out of control. Suddenly I am receiving abusive txt messages about judging them and demanding to know what they are doing and forcing labels on them. None of which I have done at all. In fact I can only find one communication from us to them since we were informed what was happening. We keep a diary in our email so we have gone over it to see if we did or said anything. Which as far as we can tell we didn’t. I don’t need this extra stress right now.

I have uncovered a key memory and therefore unlocked an entire memory sequence last week. Discovered how to use yoga to open up locked memories. Been told that my system is at the top end of the dissociation scale and no one knows yet why these kinds of systems are created. Found what we want to do with the rest of lives. Looked into studying in detail. Now I am applying for government payments as work has dried up. As well as applying for jobs. Which means new people and places to cope with. I have been sick with fever and vomiting for three days. Spent those three days in my room while housemates sent me abusive txt messages.

so right now all I want is a hammock on an island somewhere. Not sure how much more I can take before I snap.

Image | This entry was posted in feelings, journal, self care and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Stretched to breaking point

  1. Out of the Ashes says:

    Thinking of you. Caring.
    Love,
    Ash

  2. kat says:

    so sorry you are under all this stress. (((hugs)))

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