It’s hard sometimes to see everything. To know that each person has a good side and also a bad side. That everyone is not all good. Not all bad. Trying to piece together what I see about my abuser’s. marrying the two sides of my father is still not possible for me.
The father who played games and had tickle fights and watched tv. Trying to put the side who did unspeakable things into the one person in my mind. They just don’t fit together. They can’t for me. Not yet.
Recently I have had to try and attempt this process with a person who I saw as a friend. I am still having trouble trying to admit that the one person can be a beautiful friend and also incredibly cruel and hateful. That someone who has been so helpful could be so hurtful. It is a challenge to try this step in healing. I still have not yet been able to accept the two sides of the one person.
I am the doll my littles made, who in this picture has a giraffe on each side of her. Looking after and protecting her as she struggles to see the world as it really is. little steps. One foot in front of the other.