parentals

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I have been slowly weaning my parents off contacting me.
Down to a phone call every two weeks.
Pretty good right?

I looked at the date today and realized my birthday is soon. All kinds of stuff started coming up inside. Memories and unsettledness.
I am also reminded that they are coming to visit soon. Another unwelcome event.

I started this with a purpose and now I just feel horrible. I don’t want to see them or talk to them. My T explained that we need to go slowly with cutting off contact. Easing my littles into no contact as they are ready.
I just don’t know how much longer I can do this. The phone calls are repetitive. T says its about programming. Which is why they resisted the weekly phone calls becoming fortnightly.
I just don’t like this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want them to go away and leave us all alone. I can’t pretend to be happy to talk to them any more. Or be welcoming about their false caring and closeness that is, to me, obviously fake. It just feels wrong. I don’t want to do it any more. I hate feeling stuck.

Both my options seem like the picture. Do I pick the greasy pipe or the sewer pipe? Really what is the difference?

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2 Responses to parentals

  1. Out of the Ashes says:

    Feral,

    I know what you are saying about dealing with your parents. It’s hard to live the lie when your eyes are opened to it. I do wonder why your T thinks you should break contact with them so slowly. Do you have littles that are still attached to your parents? I have yet to find one in my system that has any kind regard toward mine. The breaking off of contact was hardest for “me” and mainly because it meant accepting that they never loved me/wanted me in the first place. My littles seem to know that through and through already Yet, when I was going through that grief, I actually wished they would have just been killed instead. At least then their absence in my life would not be voluntary.

    Thinking of you. Wishing you peace.
    Ash

  2. Katrina says:

    I have read your entire story. i am just coming to acknowledge that i have DID, i mean try to wrap my mind around it, try to sort out the feelings and to rationally accept it. your blog posts seem alien to me, and yet strangely familiar. thanks for posting all this. i need to do some exploring, some writing. i need to find out more about my others and learn to have conversations with them, so to speak, rather than having to interpret their feelings. as far as i know, i currently have 3 others. your story is about the only one out there that is not a clinical view, but a view from the experience. thank you.

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