At times it seems all too much. This path of healing. Recovering memories and processing them. The vast nature of my internal landscape.
Some days it feels as if nothing ever happened. As if it is all a lie and life is “normal” again. Then reality hits. I am swiftly reminded that most days are a struggle. That my history is shrouded in the most horrible nightmares. That my reactions. Our reactions are a result of surviving.
Then I remember that even if I feel normal, not everyone inside does. The fact that I feel normal means that I have been safely disconnected from a part who is in agony. A part who does not know that we are free. That the abuse has stopped. That we are an adult and safe. This stark reality often finds me feeling weighted.
The weight of the truth is still far less than the weight of keeping the secrets hidden. Every day is a step forward. Every new truth told is a step on my path of healing.
The road is long but I believe I can make it.