A conversation with Bourbon from crazy in the coconut has prompted this post.
My littles see them selves with the scars of abuse. These scars are not hidden. To them these scars are in plain sight. Everyone can see them. When people look at our body, our littles hide away. They think people can see the damage inside. They think they can see the scars. They have told me that no one loves them because they are damaged. They are dirty and wrong and bad and everyone can see it.
I tell them that they are not damaged. They are not wrong and bad and dirty. They have done nothing wrong. The adults who hurt them are wrong and bad and dirty. The adults are damaged and it is their fault. Not my littles fault. I show them love and caring and am very gentle with them. I read them stories and teach them how to cook and draw and read. I bought them giraffe so that they could have something just for them. When they are sad and afraid I sit with them and comfort them and rock them to sleep.
Where did they get the idea that they were wrong and bad and dirty? From our abuser’s, that’s where.
My precious littles think there is something wrong with them. They have suffered and survived some horrible things. There is nothing wrong with them. There is nothing wrong with any of my littles. When the first few littles came to us internally I had to teach them how to eat. Some of them had never had food before. Slowly we are teaching them safe touch through our shiatsu therapist. We are teaching them that it is ok to talk, ok to tell with our therapist.
More and more of them are beginning to talk. More of them are drawing. More of them come and sit with giraffe and watch cartoons. My first little part who came to us aged today to 7. When we met her she was three and could not talk. She has come so far. Inside she has taken the role of translator with our pre verbal parts. We are just so proud. Of all of them.
I have rattled on about my littles. I just feel so sad when I see how they see themselves. Partly because it is not how I see them. Partly because it is not their fault. Partly because it will take work to get past this self image.
This picture is of a sticker someone bought. The little figure is missing one eye and has stitches and a nail in its head. Sadly I think this is a littles self image.
I just feel such compassion for them. Such sadness at their hurt. It breaks my heart to feel their pain. Sometimes I know that their pain is my pain. Sometimes it is too much to make that connection. I will care for them even when they can care for themselves.