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i have been holding inside so many things. yet again yesterday something threatened to bring my world crashing down. sometimes the truth is harder to hear than a lie. i wish my world would just lie to me. tell me things are ok. show me that the sun is still shining. no.
my body does not lie. it only tells the truth. the truth of a thousand hands touching me. still my mind tries to tell me that it is all a lie. but my body does not lie. the scars. the damage. never to be undone. the smell of them seared in my memory. little voices from inside cry out for help. the truth crushed under the weight of the lies. i am turned around. spun into shape. forged into an image of normality. my body does not lie. it shows me the way to the rabbit hole. how to slide down to the truth. it grabs me by the face and forces me to see. things i cannot unsee. if only i could climb back up the rabbit hole. run away from the truth. if only i could lie to myself and believe it. pull the wool over my eyes and forget. so many hands touching me. passed around like candy at Halloween. my body does not lie to me. i am beginning to listen to it. it tells me tales of the cruellest kind. things that i want to disbelieve. things no child should ever know. these are the things my body tells me.