i am Jekyll and Hyde again. i wake up to find a paper trail of other parts living in my body while i think i am asleep. they buy things on ebay, eat not so good food and one of them smokes. disaster.
photo credit wikipedia
so the process starts again. lost time. initiating communication. helping the part feel safe and function in my internal system. i am beginning to wonder if this process ever ends. i have spent my life living fragmented. other parts of my internal system have lived their own separate lives in my body.
i think i am most afraid of this process because the more parts i have, the bigger the possibility is that my abuse was more severe than the memories i have already recovered. the memories i have recovered are horrible on their own. so the thought of having to accept the reality of more severe abuse seems too much.
i am trying to look at this in a positive light. my parts are coming together inside. beginning to gather in one place. to communicate with each other. to work together. i just have to remember to keep breathing.