roller coaster

my internal system is in flux. i keep losing time to little ones who don’t know how to communicate with us. i have had a huge memory recovery recently. so everything is kinda up in the air.

i thought things were settling down. but then i realized that i was losing time. the concept of  wading through this process and uncovering everything is daunting to say the least. even now my train of thought is interrupted by rapid switching. not being able to focus for long periods of time sucks. my T says rapid switching is a sign of stress.

what do you do when the truth is screaming and trying to get out? do you shove it back inside and pretend nothing happened? do you tell it that everything is ok and make it a cup of coffee? what happens when there is no control in your internal system? then again, was there ever any control.

i guess i, we are all over the shop right now. as much as i am scared i am used to the upheaval. the roller coaster ride. its part of the process. at least i think it is.

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