being ok with my new internal system

it has been almost a week. i think. of living with the “new to me” internal system. things are not that different. they really aren’t. the knowledge of how my life works is still accessible. i went to work. the parts who are supposed to work did.

this was scary and surprising. i also went to yoga and found it was much easier. the information is there, its just that these parts have never done these everyday tasks before. so it was a whole new experience for the “working parts” to go to work. it was seamless but scary.

yoga was a different story. being more able to access the emotions connected to the abuse and also the memories made my yoga experience different. there were more triggers in different poses. luckily i had already confided in my yoga instructor about my DID. so i had a back up pose to go to when triggered. everything was ok. but i get the feeling that this system is now more in touch with everything. and this will change some things as i, as we find our way through life.

this internal system appears to be staying place for now. possibly permanently. my T said it is the beginning of some kind of integration. i find that the world is easier to face with this internal system. they have accepted the years of abuse. they are calm when looking at memories of the abuse. they are keeping a close eye on my emotional state and asking me to take a break from exploring inside if i become too distressed. they are looking after me.

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